Part 2 PATHS OF THE JOURNEY NEWSLETTER – by Eula Mathis Davis, MSW

June 2023

Fathers, Daughters and Sons – Exercises (All About Me/Resolving Blame and Guilt)

                                

I recommend that these exercises be used for daughters and sons over 25 years old. This is because daughters and sons have reached the level of adulthood and are at a stage of being able to express themselves more fully and understand various childhood issues that need to be addressed.

Invite your father and daughter and father and son to participate by stating that both of you will have an opportunity to know more about each other as a person at this stage of your life.

These exercises are about healing, love, and acceptance of who fathers, daughters, and sons are at the stage of their lives.

I recommend a date, time, and place that will only include the father and son and father and daughter. I recommend that these exercises be in person, not on the phone or Zoom. This is important because you want to be in a position of responding to information received from the exercises with feelings and hugs, when necessary. 

Remember, crying is a form of healing because you may need to release feelings to move forward. if the two of you must meet again. Schedule another time for an in-person visit to address whatever was left out in the initial exercises. This should be done in person. Do not address them on the phone or Zoom.

If father and daughter and father and son believe they could benefit from professional counseling in addressing issues from these exercises, please do so.  I recommend individual counseling and family counseling when needed.

Because fathers, daughters, and sons may not be physically present for fatherless daughters and sons, does not mean that these exercises cannot be used. However, I recommend professional counseling with a therapist, social worker, or life strategy specialist.

Information that has been shared between fathers, daughters, and sons should be respected as private.

ALL ABOUT ME EXERCISE

Each person completes the All About Me exercise form.

Fathers will read from their daughter’s exercise forms. Daughters will read from their father’s exercise form. This will help you to learn how well you know each other.
This is a 20 – minute exercise.

Fathers will read from their son’s exercise forms. Sons will read from their father’s exercise forms. This will help you learn how well you know each other.
This is a 20-minute exercise.

Fatherless daughters and sons. Complete the exercise form about yourself. Complete the exercise form about your mother, daughter, or son to the best of your knowledge.
This is a 20-minute exercise.

                                                                                          

                   RESOLVING GUILT AND BLAME

Fathers and daughters and mothers and sons are to sit opposite each other.

Each person will complete the Resolving Guilt and Blame exercise form.
This is a 5-minute exercise.

Daughters will read their father’s exercise form. Fathers will read their daughter’s exercise forms.
This is a 20-minute exercise.

Sons will read their father’s exercise form.  Fathers will read their son’s forms.
This is a 20-minute exercise.

Fatherless daughters and sons will complete the exercise form and read it aloud. Allow yourself to feel whatever is necessary.

Permitting yourself to cry is a release and healing. you may share this information with a professional therapist, social worker, or life strategist specialist.

FATHERS and DAUGHTERS

ALL ABOUT ME EXERCISE

Instructions: Complete each sentence. After completion, place the father’s exercise form in the daughter’s basket. Place the daughter’s exercise form in the father’s basket.

1. The color of my eyes are: __________________________

2. My favorite color is: ____________________________

3. My favorite hobby is: ______________________________

4. The most important thing in my life is: _____________________________

5. A difficult thing that I had to face in the past was: ___________________________

6. My first “REAL BOYFRIEND’ taught me: _______________________________

7. The most exciting thing that has ever happened to me is: _____________________

8. My best friend growing up was: _____________________________

9. My favorite food is: ___________________________________

10. My favorite music is: _________________________________

11. My favorite subject in elementary school was: ______________________________

                                                                                                      

FATHERS AND SONS

ALL ABOUT ME EXERCISE

Instructions: Complete each sentence. Place the son’s exercise form in the father’s basket. Place the father’s exercise form in the son’s basket.

1. The color of my eyes are: ______________________________

2. My favorite color is: _______________________________

3. My favorite hobby is: _____________________________

4. The most important thing in my life is: ___________________________

5. A difficult thing that I had to face in the past was: ______________

6. My first ‘REAL BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND’ taught me: _____________

7. The most exciting thing that ever happened to me is: ____________

8. My best friend growing up was: ______________________________

9. My favorite food is: ________________________________

10. My favorite music is: ________________________________

11. My favorite subject in elementary school was: ____________________

                                                                                                           

 FATHERLESS DAUGHTERS AND SONS
 ALL ABOUT ME

 Instructions: Complete each sentence about yourself.  Complete each sentence about your father to the best of your knowledge.

1. The color of my eyes are: ________________________________

2. My favorite color is: __________________________________

3. My favorite hobby is: ________________________________

4. The most important thing in my life is: _____________________________

5. A difficult thing that I had to face in the past was: _________________

6. My first ‘REAL BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND’ taught me: ________________

7. The most exciting thing that has ever happened to me is: __________

8. My best friend growing up was: ______________________________

9. My favorite food is: _________________________________

10. My favorite music is: ___________________________________

11. My favorite subject in elementary school was: _____________________

                                                                                                      

FATHER and DAUGHTER

RESOLVING BLAME AND GUILT EXERCISE

Instructions: Complete all sentences as honestly as possible.
It will help you let go and heal.

1.  I was angry at you for __________________________________

2. I’m angry at myself for ________________________________

3.  I should have ___________________________________

4. You should have ___________________________________

      5.  I wish we could have ________________________________

      6.  I am sorry for ________________________________

      7. I want to acknowledge ___________________________________

      8. I feel you owe me __________________________________

      9. I feel I owe you _____________________________________

     10. I need to forgive myself for _______________________________________

     11. I need to forgive you for __________________________________________

     12. I learned from you. Knowing you I gained the following::

           _______________________________________________________________

           _______________________________________________________________

     13. I enriched you in these ways:

           _______________________________________________________________

           _______________________________________________________________

    14. My wish for our relationship is _________________________________

          _______________________________________________________________

                                                                                                      

  FATHER and SON

  RESOLVING BLAME and GUILT EXERCISE

Instructions: Complete sentences as honestly as possible.  It will help you let go and heal.

1. I am angry and you for ________________________________

2. I’m angry at myself for ________________________________

3. I should have ___________________________________

4. You should have _________________________________

5. I wish we could have _________________________________

6. I am sorry for ____________________________________

7. I want to acknowledge _________________________________

8. I feel you owe me ____________________________________

9.  I feel I owe you _________________________________

10.  I need to forgive myself for _____________________________________

11.  I need to forgive you for _______________________________________

12.  I learned from you. Knowing you I gained the following:

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

     13. I enriched you in these ways: ___________________________

           ___________________________________________________________

     14. My wish for our relationship is _________________________________

           ___________________________________________________________

                                                                                              

     FATHERLESS DAUGHTERS AND SON

     RESOLVING BLAME and GUILT EXERCISE

Instructions: Complete sentences as honestly as possible. It will help you let go and heal.

1. I am angry at you for __________________________________

2. I’m angry at myself for _________________________________

3. I should have ______________________________________

4. You should have __________________________________

5. I wish we could have __________________________________

6. I am sorry for _____________________________________

7.  I want to acknowledge __________________________________

8. I feel you owe me ____________________________________

9.  I feel I owe you ____________________________________

10.  I need to forgive myself for _______________________________________

     11. I need to forgive you for ______________________________________

     12. I learned from you. Knowing you I gained the following:

           ______________________________________________________________

           ______________________________________________________________

     13. I enriched you in these ways ________________________________

     14. My wish for our relationship is _____________________________________

                                                                                                        

As a bereavement specialist, I have met people who have not healed. Some parents and children have died with unresolved issues between themselves and their parents.

Unfortunately, when one doesn’t do the work to heal emotional, physical, and spiritual baggage. The baggage is passed to the next generation.

As a child, I grew up and did not receive the love, care, and support that I wanted and needed from my birth parents.  God had a plan for my life. He gave me my maternal grandmother and great-grandparents, who gave me everything that my birth parents could not give me.

During my childhood years, I wanted to know why my birth parents did not parent me. I talked to their friends and received information that I wanted to know about them. What I learned helped me to understand why they did not have what I needed to love, care and parent me.  I thank them for giving me life. I learned how to forgive them for my emotional and physical pain. I forgave them. 

My maternal great-grandparents taught me that God creates families in different ways. Some are from the womb, and some are from the heart. Throughout my childhood and adulthood, I learned what they told me was true.  I thank God for my emotional, physical, and spiritual healing.

The exercises in this newsletter are not about blaming or hating your parents. It is not about parents disliking their children’s behavior or choices. It is about forgiving and letting go.