June 2023
FATHERS, DAUGHTERS AND SONS
Father’s Love:
A father’s love is sacrificial, patient, kind, humble, honest, forgiving, faithful, and selfless. It is constant and unchanging. These are the things that a father should want his life to be about and for his children to know and feel from him.
Responsibilities of a Father:
- Is a protector. Children will feel safe and secure when he is present.
- Provide unconditional love.
- Show love and respect for the mother of the child.
- Spend quality time with his child.
- Teaches his child accountability.
- involved in all aspects of his child’s life
FIVE ROLES A FATHER SHOULD LEARN and BE:
MOTIVATOR: a dad, a helper, a coach, and a friend.
ENCOURAGER: every child loves positive fatherly encouragement.
ENFORCER: a father enforces consequences of his child’s undesirable behavior and actions. Establishes positive desirable behavior. He disciplines calmly and fair and shows love to his child.
TRAINER: teaches his child how to be a boy and prepares him to be a man.
COUNSELOR: available to his child for discussions on life experiences. Be willing to seek professional counseling.
A dad’s love for his daughter is sacrificial, patient, kind, humble, honest, forgiving, faithful, and selfish. It is constant and unchanging and a father’s love.
Fathers and mothers are helpful in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them. They also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional.
“Dad” is a term of affection and familiarity When men actively participate in their child’s life. They can achieve the title of “Dad” Men should learn to apply the three p’s: provide, protect families, present.
Daughters need fathers to believe in them. A father is neither an anchor to hold a daughter back nor a sail to take her there but a guiding light whose love shows her the way.
A father holds his daughter’s hand for a while and holds her heart forever. When a father teaches his daughter practical life skills. They will provide confidence in all aspects of her life. A Dad can teach his daughter about finances, working on cars, music, cooking, grilling, art, and sports.
Dad’s relationship with their daughters is unique. Young girls depend on their fathers for security and emotional support. A father shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she’s old enough to begin dating.
A father-daughter relationship can harm the way a woman relates to men. Women with “daddy issues” do not have specific symptoms but common behaviors, including having trouble trusting men and jealousy.
A father’s influence in his daughter’s life shapes her self-esteem, self-image, confidence, and opinions of men.
Daughters’ relationship with their dads determines their ability to trust, their need for approval, and their self-belief. It can even affect her love life. Healthy father-and-dad relationships should have love, trust, respect, and communication. Relationships, boundaries, trust, and support should be established and maintained.to create a positive relationship between fathers and daughters
Sons need love and guidance from their father. A father’s compassion and mercy are always an option for his son. The hardest thing for fathers to learn is that they can’t always protect their families. But a father’s son needs to know that their father will never give up trying.
Fathers can only become a leader if they lead by example. Some dads do not believe in God. However, don’t put your belief on your child. Allow your sons to establish their knowledge of God.
Boys rely on fathers for guidance on how to live in the world and their relationships. Research suggests that the time fathers and sons spend together can reduce the likelihood of boys becoming anxious, depressed, or aggressive. Boys also crave warmth, affection, and tenderness from their fathers.
Constant clashes and power struggles are most common in a father-son relationship. Generations might divide fathers and sons, and personalities slice through communication and relationships. Whether by nature or nurture, fathers can be less open to sharing their feelings and emotions than mothers.
Fathers and sons with widely different interests can find it hard to relate to one another. Sometimes. Fathers and sons feel competitive against one another. Other times communication issues are compounded when both want a better father-son relationship, but neither one knows how to go about it
FIVE STAGES OF FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIPS
First Stage: Idolize. Refers to a childhood view of our fathers when they seem invincible
Second Stage: Discord. Refers to a lack of harmony and agreement between father and son
Third Stage: Evolving! Refers to you caring about each other. You enjoy being together. You can handle disagreements and conflicts. You can talk openly about your relationship.
Fourth Stage: Acceptance. You value your differences, Willing to compromise and forgive mistakes.
Fifth Stage: Legacy. You want to preserve memories and life lessons. You want future generations to have a sense of pride in your family.
FATHER and SON RELATIONSHIPS
- A son needs his father to show love to his mother.
- When a father shows love to his wife and the mother of his son. He is showing his son how to treat his mother, sisters, and women he will meet in e.
Set a foundation for relationships in your life. If the father is divorced or has a different type of relationship., Do whatever you can to respect your child’s mother.
- Your child needs to see a father fail, not just succeed. The best teacher is a failure. The best type of failure is to learn from someone else. When a son sees a father fails and handles the failures well. He can see that it’s okay to make mistakes, and they can be great teachers.
A child who is not always afraid of making mistakes will grow into a man positioned to accept and conquer challenges.
Son Needs His Father’s Servant Leadership
A father may or may not be the boss at home. He may or may not be a pastor at church. He may or may not be a leader in his community. He is the leader of your family, and his son needs to see leadership in his home. He needs his father to lead by serving. When a son sees his father leading and serving. His son understands leadership and can be more effective in leading versus following. As the son grows up, he will know how to lead his family and be a leader at church and in his community.
A Father Needs To Be Present
As a father fulfills different roles, he can be pulled in multiple directions. A father should be present in his son’s education and social community.
Some areas of a son’s life are not intended for Mom only. A father should establish and maintain a friendship relationship and presence in his son’s life and give him whatever time he needs.
A Son Needs His Father’s Love Regardless of the Situation.
A father may be a sports junkie and athlete, and his son is not one. The father should not care if his son is not an athlete or enjoys sports.
A father may be a pastor and spends more time at church and congregation than with his son.
A son wants his father to laugh and play with him. Sometimes young male adults do not attend church because of their experience during childhood when their fathers seemed to care more about their congregation’s needs than their sons.
No matter what choices a son makes. they need their father’s love., Even when they are different from their fathers and when sons make wrong choices. A father’s loving guidance will open the door to trust and build a relationship with their sons. It will build his self-esteem.
A Son Needs His Father to Affirm__
“I love you, Son.” “I’m proud of you, son.” “You are an amazing son”
“That was an amazing play you made”. “You are a hard worker, keep it up. I know you’ll bounce back”. A son needs to hear words of encouragement from a father to let him know you love having him as a son.
A Son Needs A Father to Discipline in Love
A father needs to set boundaries and expectations for his son. He will make mistakes, just like you did as a kid and just like you do now. Your son should learn that his choices, behaviors, and actions have consequences. Teach him with love. Sons need to think and evaluate the choices that they make both now and in the future.
Fatherless daughters need to prove their value in the world. They try hard to avoid conflict. They try hard to make relationships work and do want to be abandoned by anyone again. They often sacrifice their own needs to meet others’ needs. They need to feel that they are appreciated and need to belong
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HOW IMPORTANT IS IT FOR A SON TO HAVE A FATHER?
A growing body of research points to positive effects on children of having an uninvolved father. On average, children whose father is involved tend to have fewer problems with school achievement behavior and social interactions than children who have inactive fathers.
When you hear the word “Daddy Issues.” It is an emotional disorder that stems from issues with trust and lack of self-esteem that can lead to a cycle of repeated dysfunctional decisions in relationships with men
FATHERS WHO ARE ABSENT HAVE AN IMPACT ON A CHILD’S BEHAVIOR:
- Decrease Communication Ability in a child’s earliest years. A child with both mother and father develops better communication than a child who does not have both parents.
Direct Communication includes more than just one voice talking to a child. A child receives communication skills when they witness good behavior between their parents.
- DECREASE COGNITIVE ABILITIES
An absent father cannot help his child learn how to be heard and acquire knowledge.
- RELATIONAL and BEHAVIORAL ISSUES.
Children who grow up without a father struggle socially. Feeling rejected by their father, they fear abandonment and have difficulty trusting and committing. A father’s absence can often lead to behavior problems.
Children don’t know how to process their anger and anxiety, especially if they have a diminished ability in communication. So they lash out and ultimately continue to have negative relationships
MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES
Children with an absent father grow up without the sense of security a father can provide. A father’s presence and love in a child’s life can provide an understanding of their identity and a sense of belonging.
An absent father can leave a child’s world feeling shattered and unstable. Children with absent fathers suffer from anxiety and depression in much larger numbers than children without mothers and fathers present in a child’s life.
SEXUAL HEALTH and BEHAVIOR
Because children with absent fathers have decreased development in their prefrontal cortex, they can be impulsive. Their ability to deal with the long-term consequences of actions is debilitated. Many engage in sexual activities at young ages that can have dire consequences, including pregnancy.
Girls growing up without a father can develop a developmental attachment to males and see sex as a way to fulfill a male connection
AN EMOTIONALLY ABSENT FATHER
An emotionally unavailable father has a negative attitude toward his child in many ways. This father often prioritizes material things, other people, and their work over their children. They avoid emotional conversations with their children and do not facilitate a safe place for their children to discuss feelings.
These are toxic father-daughter and son relationships. These fathers usually invade their child’s privacy disregarding their feelings and making decisions for their child without even asking for their input or giving a good reason other than “because I said so and you will do as you are told.”
Information compiled by Peaceful Journeys
EULA’ S FAVORITE QUOTES
God’s promises to the fatherless. He will give justice to the weak and the fatherless, and maintain the right of the afflicted and the needy. He states: “ I will not leave you as an orphan. I will come to you. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
Never live your life in shame because you are the child of an absent father. Always be proud to be you and be bold enough to grow up without a birth father and face the world.
FATHER TO SON
Compassionate and mercy are always an option. The hardest thing you’ll ever do is learn that you can’t always protect your family. But as my son, I know you’ll never give up trying. You can become a true leader if you lead by example. Even if you don’t believe in God, at least send prayers to yourself.
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EULA’S FAVORITE SCRIPTURE
“Father of the fatherless and protector of widowers is God in his holy habitation” He aims to show orphans mercy, care, and protection. Because these waiting children are essential to him, they should be to his church.
Psalms 68:5
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The Holy Spirit directed me to provide information in this newsletter for father-son, father-daughter, and fatherless-sons-daughters. As a social worker and mentor, I meet people who need healing in their relationships.
My personal and professional experience allows me to help people achieve their goal of healing in their relationships.
As a bereavement specialist, I have met people who have not healed. Some parents and children have died with unresolved issues between themselves and their parents.
Unfortunately, when one doesn’t do the work to heal emotional, physical, and spiritual baggage. The baggage is passed to the next generation.
As a child, I grew up and did not receive the love, care, and support that I wanted and needed from my birth parents. God had a plan for my life. He gave me my maternal grandmother and great-grandparents, who gave me everything that my birth parents could not give me.
During my childhood years, I wanted to know why my birth parents did not parent me. I talked to their friends and received information that I wanted to know about them. What I learned helped me to understand why they did not have what I needed to love, care and parent me. I thank them for giving me life. I learned how to forgive them for my emotional and physical pain. I forgave them.
My maternal great-grandparents taught me that God creates families in different ways. Some are from the womb, and some are from the heart. Throughout my childhood and adulthood, I learned what they told me was true. I thank God for my emotional, physical, and spiritual healing.
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